Most Excellent Blog Fans (c'mon- I know there must be at least 3 of you out there!) your blogger has been absent for the last couple of days (actually, is there anyone out there reading this? has anyone realised little 'ole Messy has been absent??) BUT, for once, I have an excuse: DISASTER has struck the Messy Household (cue Dah Dah Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaah music).....................
Our BOILER has BLOWN UP.
No! I hear you gasp
YEESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I reply (as an icicle slides it way down my right eyebrow, off my nose and into my coffee cup)
Our freakin' naughty boiler has had a tissy fit IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER and is not working. For those of you Aussie Blog Fans who aren't familiar with the role of the boiler, it basically creates the hot water, the heating, everything HEAT related in the flat.
To say I am unimpressed with this turn of events (it happened Tuesday) would be a MAJOR understatement.
This is what I wrote in my diary on Tuesday night:
"The boiler has blown up
Situation: NOT GOOD
Messy Mood: NOT GOOD
I can't have a shower, I can't wash my hair, it is 3 degrees outside but feels like minus 3 degrees inside the flat....I can't wait till I tell Mr Messy about this....
(Messy tells Mr Messy about the boiler)....
Mr Messy Mood: NOT GOOD
I have, of course, declared a STATE OF EMERGENCY (since we have been without hot water/any form of heating now for 3 full days) in the Messy household although Mr Messy tells me I am overreacting and that this happens to people ALL the time and that we aren't the only ones suffering right now.... To say that I am currently unimpressed with Mr Messy would also be an understatement.
As for morning ablutions I described it to a friend as thus: "Imagine , say, a pelican (the largest bird I can think of right now) trying to bathe itself in a teacup- and you have me trying to have a "shower" using a glass bowl, a kettle full of water, a washer and some soap. It is as unpleasant, ineffective and ridiculous as it sounds."
Apparently the nice little boiler fix-it man (well, I assume it will be a man but maybe there are boiler fix-it ladies as well) will be arriving on our doorstop tomorrow somewhere between 8:30am and 5:30pm to fix the blighter. I am remaining hopeful that the boiler can be coaxed into working again tomorrow- I cannot even begin to imagine, don't want to imagine, what my mental state will be like if it cannot be fixed on the spot. Situation will be: we are moving into a hotel. STAT.
postscript: I have just picked up a copy of the London Lite paper. It reads "Icy blast coming in from Russia: Freezing air from Russia will bring another cold snap to the UK early next week. Heavy snowfalls are forecast for Monday, and Tuesday in the South-East, with temperatures expected to drop as low as -4C, while icy winds are likely to make it feel even colder".
The boiler will be fixed tomorrow. Period.