Sunday, 14 December 2008

This Little Piggy went to market, This Little Piggy stayed at home, This Little Piggy had roast beef?!, and this Little Piggy went wee, wee, wee...

...all the way to the Jackman/Cusack/Perrett Christmas table this year...poor little piggy :( :(

This year Mr Messy and his partner in piggy crime, Mr Mark Cusack (actually I think it was all Mark's idea), decided to go all Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall (he of River Cottage fame) on us and get an "ethical" piggy for Christmas luncheon. Basically this means that we are having roast pork from a piggy that has been raised on a lovely organic, free-range farm, has had a lovely piggy life snuffling in the mud, sleeping on warm hay, eating lots of nummies (soya bean meal, cabbage, corn, bananas, pig nuts and whatever the heck else happy piggies eat) and has gone to piggy heaven in a respectful, non-stressful manner (well, as non-stressful as going to the great big departure lounge in the sky can be...).

I admit that I am still a little bit squeamish about the whole thing although I know it is completely irrational as I eat meat, wear leather etc. and it is much better to eat meat which has been raised non-intensively, with ample room to move and play, and live "normal" animal lives.

Anyhoo, I received an email the other day from Mr Cusack which had me giggling and snorting my head off- so I thought I would share it with y'all. Mr Cusack is concerned that he and Mr Messy have not yet received the "cut sheet" (I assume this sets out the different cuts of meat that the piggy has been made into) nor has the arrival date of the piggy been confirmed by the farmer. Hence there is some stress in the Jackman/Cusack household which the wives (me and ewah) have had to deal with. Here is Mr Cusack's email re Porkulus Nocomin aka pork stress:

"This condition is known clinically as “pork stress”. I have now copied wives into this email, just in case they are curious as to our current mental status.

Pork Stress – aka Porkulus Nocomin

A condition first identified in the early 21st century. Symptoms in the disease’s early stages tend to take the form of hyperactivity in emailing and cursing. This is then followed by disbelief, dismay, and what has effectively become known as meat depression. Pork Stress relates to the anxiety and fear brought about by a lack of locus control surrounding the unknown yet anticipated delivery of free range farm fresh pigs. There is no known cure other than what is known as a farmer’s presentation. This involves the pig farmer taking and removing the digit from his/her back end and making haste with the delivery of said beast".

Mrs Cusack, wife of the world's biggest pork fan (organic, free-range, happy piggy only etc etc), Mr Cusack. These photographs were taken when we went "glamping" (glamorous camping) in October in Lancashire.

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